I've been here for 6 months and it occurred to me yesterday that for 6 months in a strange country I've done next to nothing.
In 6 months here I haven't even been to the DMZ. I'm starting to get worried the North and South will reunify before I get my lazy ass in gear and go and see the strip of land that separates them.
All this week school have been letting me leave at 1pm. So yesterday I decided to go and check out Busan museum and the UN cemetery. They're not far from my house but I still haven't been to see them.
Being the dozy plank that I am I got on the wrong bloody bus and ended up back at home! Then I sat there watching TV for a few hours till it was time to play footy. What a bloody waste of time!
Whilst I was sat at home watching crap movies, I found my Korea guidebook all dusty and old looking in the corner of my bookshelf. I realised I haven't looked at it for about 3-4 months, and I'd done next to none of the things that it recommends.
I vowed there and then to get this lazy bug out of my ass and instead stick a rocket up it! Over these next 6 months I will own this little peninsula. I will explore every little nook and cranny! No stone will be left unturned, no food left untasted, no alcoholic beverage left undrunk! And at the end of it, there will be a montage!
As god is my witness, this beautiful peninsula is about to get...KEVLARED!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Col-pop
The Koreans have managed to find a massive gap in the market, but have failed to exploit it globally. Let me introduce you to the genius that is Cal-pop...
Let me explain this revolutionary culinary treat to you. What do you see held in my hand? "A cup full of chicken Kevla" I hear you say. Well, a cup...spot on. Chicken...yes sir. A cup full of chicken...sorry, not quite.
Free your minds my friends and make sure you take a seat because this is going to rock your world!
At the top of the cup, resting on the rim, is another cup, maybe a quarter of the size of the outer cup, which contains the chicken. Filling the other three-quarters of the cup is cola.
You look gobsmacked, read that last paragraph again.
"Ah! But how do you drink the coke if the chicken is on top?" I hear you cry.
Well, for once it didn't take a futuristic piece of Korean technology to sort that little nag out. You simply put a straw in between the inner and outer cup...marvellous.
Why has no one thought of this back in Blighty? I come from a land that has produced some outstanding scientists and inventors such as; Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Alexander Graham Bell(Did you know that Mr. Alexander Gordon Bell was the first man to receive a telephone call from a wrong number?), Alexander Flemming, Bill Shankly; the list goes on. But not one of these so called "geniuses", with all their qualifications and claims to fame, had the nouse to make Col-pop.
Ladies and gentleman this could revolutionise the fast-food industry. Imagine it, school children buying a Col-pop for the bus ride home. Father buying his family a mid-afternoon Cal-pop while they're on holiday. You could even fill it with beer and sell it to the piss heads outside the clubs. The lazy bum students would love that!
I cannot believe that I have not come across this so far in the Western world. I honestly think that Cal-pop has the potential to be bigger than McDonalds and the Beatles.
Kevla
Let me explain this revolutionary culinary treat to you. What do you see held in my hand? "A cup full of chicken Kevla" I hear you say. Well, a cup...spot on. Chicken...yes sir. A cup full of chicken...sorry, not quite.
Free your minds my friends and make sure you take a seat because this is going to rock your world!
At the top of the cup, resting on the rim, is another cup, maybe a quarter of the size of the outer cup, which contains the chicken. Filling the other three-quarters of the cup is cola.
You look gobsmacked, read that last paragraph again.
"Ah! But how do you drink the coke if the chicken is on top?" I hear you cry.
Well, for once it didn't take a futuristic piece of Korean technology to sort that little nag out. You simply put a straw in between the inner and outer cup...marvellous.
Why has no one thought of this back in Blighty? I come from a land that has produced some outstanding scientists and inventors such as; Sir Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Alexander Graham Bell(Did you know that Mr. Alexander Gordon Bell was the first man to receive a telephone call from a wrong number?), Alexander Flemming, Bill Shankly; the list goes on. But not one of these so called "geniuses", with all their qualifications and claims to fame, had the nouse to make Col-pop.
Ladies and gentleman this could revolutionise the fast-food industry. Imagine it, school children buying a Col-pop for the bus ride home. Father buying his family a mid-afternoon Cal-pop while they're on holiday. You could even fill it with beer and sell it to the piss heads outside the clubs. The lazy bum students would love that!
I cannot believe that I have not come across this so far in the Western world. I honestly think that Cal-pop has the potential to be bigger than McDonalds and the Beatles.
Kevla
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Winning Big
Last night me and some of the boys went to the Casino, each with a dream of being kicked out for winning too much money.
The four of us rocked up to the casino at the Lotte department store in Seomyeon looking like a gang of tramps; me with a beard you could build a zoo in, Calum with his shorts on and a rugby ball, Ian with a plaster on his face that looked like someone had jizzed in it first, and Matt well...Matt.
The casino is free to get in you just need ID. Me and Ian sat at the roulette and threw \20,000(12 quid) down. Being the big scaredy cat I am I was just betting \2,500 on red or black every couple of goes.
But here's the amazing bit...hold onto your socks cos' they might blow off when you read this...alcohol and food is...wait for it...FREE!
Ha! Free alcohol! Free food! I sat there till about 3 in the morning drinking rum and coke and eating posh cheese. And I came away \25,000 up.
Vice Principle
The Vice Principle at my school is a funny old fella. He's got short grey hair but about once a month he comes in with hair as black as the night.
Every now and then he calls me down to his office for a chat about his two favourite topics; mountaineering/hiking and British history(two things he's made me realise I know very little about.)
When Prince Willy and Kate Middleton announced their engagement, he called me down to his office and said "Mr Kevin, is Britain royal family the same as North Korea royal family?"
I'm still not sure how I stopped my sides from splitting.
Yesterday the whole school went out to a nice Vietnamese restaurant. There he was sat there, his face so red from beer and soju if he'd have stepped outside the traffic would have stopped.
After the meal, a female teacher came up to me and said "How will you get to your home?"
As soon as these words passed her little kimchi loving lips, he came running over, grabbed me by the arm and said "Ok! Maekju(Beer)." Then dragged me to the headteachers car, threw me in and sped off. If Korean's gave half a toss, then the passers by would have thought I was being kidnapped.
We get to the bar and he's bladdered. Get a beer and he says to me "Mr Kevin! You like bolleyball?"
"Yeh."
"Ok, you play for school Ok? But you must wear short pants Ok? Then the girls think you shekshy boy!"
The guys an absolute riot and I know I'll never have another boss half as fun and mad as he is.
Every now and then he calls me down to his office for a chat about his two favourite topics; mountaineering/hiking and British history(two things he's made me realise I know very little about.)
When Prince Willy and Kate Middleton announced their engagement, he called me down to his office and said "Mr Kevin, is Britain royal family the same as North Korea royal family?"
I'm still not sure how I stopped my sides from splitting.
Yesterday the whole school went out to a nice Vietnamese restaurant. There he was sat there, his face so red from beer and soju if he'd have stepped outside the traffic would have stopped.
After the meal, a female teacher came up to me and said "How will you get to your home?"
As soon as these words passed her little kimchi loving lips, he came running over, grabbed me by the arm and said "Ok! Maekju(Beer)." Then dragged me to the headteachers car, threw me in and sped off. If Korean's gave half a toss, then the passers by would have thought I was being kidnapped.
We get to the bar and he's bladdered. Get a beer and he says to me "Mr Kevin! You like bolleyball?"
"Yeh."
"Ok, you play for school Ok? But you must wear short pants Ok? Then the girls think you shekshy boy!"
The guys an absolute riot and I know I'll never have another boss half as fun and mad as he is.
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